Please, Don't Make Me Take A Vacation

"I never go on vacation," said a Manhattan real estatelong ago and faraway interlude of two weeks.What's
agent. "And when I do, I have my computer, my Palm,an exhausted and tense person to do? Here's our
my e-mail and my cell phone with me at all times."Ithumble but functional answer. Most years we take
seems that our tech toys have become the adultlong weekends, with only an occasional year in which
equivalent of an umbilical cord. So how can we livewe indulge in a flagrant week or two away from our
without them?And what about now, when, as a goodday-to-day entanglements. We find the possibility of
citizen, who also doesn't want to get arrested, you atfrequent breaks inviting, and we don't get taken out of
least have to endure your plane trip without theirour lives the way the extended vacations of yore
nourishment and comfort? Let's do a checklist of techused to separate us from our usual doings. We also
tonics that can cause us to experience separationfind that most of the world is within reach during these
anxiety.Your laptop. No more making the flight athree-day to five-day intervals.Of course, if you're
window to catch up with your work or idle the timethinking of heading to Australia or the Far East, you
away with a video game. Even if you're reunited withmay be doing little more than making a U-turn, so
the high-tech marvel after the flight, what if you're on abetter reserve those destinations for the rare times
tropical island, marooned on the coconut gardenwhen you dare a week or - dare we even mention
without a high-speed Internet connection?Your cellthe words? - two or even three weeks?Then again,
phone. No more last minute chats before takeoff oryou can always decide to move to a vacation
immediate reconnection on landing. How bereft can lifedestination forever, especially when you compare the
get?Your Palm or Blackberry. Can't take either oflength of the idylls in other parts of what we loosely
those on board either, and, as you know, out of phonerefer to as the civilized world.According to the
numbers and email addresses, out of business, worseOrganization for Economic Cooperation and
yet, cut off from your entire social life, at least, for theDevelopment, as of 2004, in the US full-time
seemingly eternal length of the flight.Your MP3 player.employees have 3.9 holiday and vacation weeks off a
No, no, anything but that! How will your soul survive theyear, while in the UK they have 6.6 weeks, in France 7,
deafening silence?And the reluctance to separateand in Italy 7.9.But do you really want to part with the
from our tech tools isn't the only reason manygood, young USA for an extended or everlasting
Americans are reluctant to take the vacations theybreak? For most of us the thought remains an
once flew out of their office chairs for. Mostoccasion for separation anxiety that we simply can't
Americans also fret, in these days when what used toendure.Tom Attea, humorist and creator of
be called workaholic hours now seem more like halfNewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced
days, that the employer will use the occasion toOff-Broadway. Critics have called his writing
replace you with somebody who has shown promise"delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and
of never needing something as irresponsible as aebullience" and "good, genuine laughs.
vacation, at least, not one that goes on and on for that