| This story is Based on a gross exaggeration of a | | | | her with that tray, I might soon be running errands for |
| hypothetical situation. Any similarities to persons or | | | | her. But I had no choice. It was too late to go to |
| events in your life is purely coincidental and rather | | | | another party.Searching for the kitchen, I realized her |
| pathetic.We met at a party in an Upper East Side | | | | apartment was a lot bigger than I had imagined. After |
| apartment. I was eating cheese, she was eating | | | | circling through the dinette and study several times, I |
| crackers. I offered her some of my cheese, she | | | | finally stopped to ask for directions. The guy who |
| offered me some of her crackers, and pretty soon | | | | gave me directions, said he worked for the phone |
| we were both eating cheese and crackers.I gave her | | | | company and had been trying to find his way out of |
| that stupid line "Do you come here often?" She said, | | | | the apartment since he installed a phone in the kitchen. |
| "Yes, every day." Shocked, I asked, "My god, is there a | | | | I said, I didn't realize she had a new phone. He said, it |
| party here every day?" She said, "No, I live | | | | wasn't that new anymore -- he installed it three weeks |
| here."Feeling somewhat embarrassed that I was an | | | | ago.When I finally returned to the party room with two |
| uninvited guest, although "uninvitees" at singles parties | | | | big bottles of Coke, all the guests had already left. She |
| are quite common, I said, "Your roommate invited me." | | | | asked, "What took you so long?" I said, "I took the long |
| She said, "I live alone." That didn't make me feel any | | | | route." She asked, "Why?" I said, "I hate drilling through |
| better.But when she offered me another cracker, I felt | | | | walls." She asked, "What am I going to do with two big |
| safe.As the party wore on, it became obvious that this | | | | bottles of Coke now?" I said, "Well, if it's a space |
| was no ordinary girl. She greeted her guests with the | | | | problem, I can take them home with me."Needless to |
| warmth and enthusiasm usually seen only among | | | | say, the situation was serious. Here we were with two |
| married folks. For one terrifying moment I thought | | | | big bottles of Coke and no guests to drink them. But, |
| perhaps this was not a singles party, after all. But | | | | it's these kind of grave predicaments which set my |
| when I overheard a small group of people discussing | | | | neurons, brain cells, and alpha waves into high gear. |
| how they had just come from two other parties, I | | | | Promptly, as though requiring no thought whatsoever, I |
| knew I was at a singles gathering -- married folks don't | | | | suggested, "Hey, why don't we sit down and drink |
| go to three parties in one night. One couch is all they | | | | them up ourselves?" Her face lit up. But her grin |
| need.I noticed the hostess carrying in a large tray of | | | | worried me.For the next hour and a half, I was |
| hors d'oeuvres with some difficulty. I rushed over and | | | | "force-fed" two huge bottles of Coke. It was an |
| asked, "May I help?" She asked with a smile, "Eat or | | | | unusual hour and a half, to say the least. I drank, she |
| carry?" I answered with a chuckle, "Very funny, you | | | | talked. Between gulps I had enough time to say, "I |
| don't expect me to carry that thing." We smiled and | | | | understand."As I swallowed the last few drops, dawn |
| we chuckled.After helping her place the tray on a | | | | broke. With the rays of the morning sun filtering in |
| table, I struck up a conversation. We found out we had | | | | through the shades, we exchanged phone numbers |
| a lot in common. She was from San Diego, I was from | | | | and I prepared to leave. She offered to make |
| Brooklyn -- but we both hated Des Moine. She was a | | | | breakfast. But after a "Coke transfusion," eggs hardly |
| zoologist, I was a computer consultant -- but all her | | | | seemed appetizing. So, not to offend her, I said, "I'd love |
| monkeys were trained to read "hexadecimal dumps." | | | | to, but I'm double parked."As we said good-by, we both |
| She liked flying, I liked water sports -- but we could | | | | knew we would be seeing a lot more of each other in |
| have a great time in a life raft filled with helium. She | | | | coming months. And so we did. We had a long and |
| liked classical music, I liked punk rock -- but we could | | | | meaningful relationship. Actually, it was long. I'm not sure |
| dye our hair green and listen to the Boston Symphony | | | | what it meant. But I learned a lesson from all this: Coke |
| Orchestra. She liked long, lavish, gourmet meals - I liked | | | | can keep you awake all night.Josh Greenberger: A |
| breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, and supper in bed -- but, | | | | computer consultant for over two decades, the author |
| if we got married, we could have a bed in the dining | | | | has developed software for such organizations as |
| room and be together all day. I just can't begin to tell | | | | NASA's Goddard Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, |
| you how much we had in common.As we spoke, I | | | | Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase |
| complimented her on her rug. She said she didn't have | | | | Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works |
| a rug -- I was standing on her cat. I felt really stupid. | | | | have appeared in such periodicals as The New York |
| Her cat felt a lot worse.She asked if I could run into the | | | | Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish |
| kitchen and see if there was anymore soda in the | | | | Press, and others. His articles have ranged from humor |
| fridge. I was afraid this would happen. I knew if I helped | | | | to scientific to topical events. Visit his site: shopndrop. |