| Unexpected life changes. Anticipated | | | | and fun kind of person? Do you value |
| transitions. Long, sleepless nights. | | | | charity over letting others find their |
| What do these three things have in | | | | way on their own, or is it the other way |
| common? The ability to provoke one of | | | | around? Knowing what you truly stand for |
| the most haunting questions in the | | | | is a vital component of good |
| library of human introspectives: | | | | decision-making. |
| | | | |
| "What on earth am I going to do with the | | | | 5. What do I want to be remembered for? |
| rest of my life?" | | | | |
| | | | What legacy do you want to leave here |
| While I can't pretend to answer to this | | | | when you pass on? What do you want |
| question for anyone other than myself, I | | | | people to say about your life and you as |
| can offer those in this position some | | | | a person? What do you want to be known |
| basic tips on how to ensure that their | | | | for? What would you like your obituary |
| future turns out as bright as their | | | | to say about you? Knowing where you want |
| class valedictorian said it would be. | | | | to end up makes choosing the path to get |
| | | | there, and keeping track of your |
| Take Time To Create A Map | | | | progress, infinitely easier. |
| | | | |
| Too often, when faced with a major (or | | | | Key Points To Consider |
| even not so major) life decision, we | | | | |
| tend to either take the first decent | | | | There are three key points to keep in |
| choice that presents itself or we allow | | | | mind when you are faced with making |
| circumstances to choose for us by | | | | life-changing decisions. |
| default - putting off the decision until | | | | |
| the inexorable current of life sweeps us | | | | |
| past the turning point. As you can | | | | |
| imagine, this is not the best way to get | | | | 1. Look before you leap. |
| what you want out of life. But the | | | | |
| options we are faced with in life can be | | | | In life, as in commercial marketing, |
| so wildly divergent, or so deceptively | | | | "Buy now before this opportunity is |
| similar, that it is difficult to know | | | | gone!" is almost always code-speak for, |
| which turning to take. Wouldn't it be | | | | "Buy now, before you have time to read |
| great if we had some kind of road map | | | | the fine print." True, from time to time |
| that would help us know which paths to | | | | real, honest-to-goodness, amazing, |
| follow and which to pass by? | | | | once-in-a-lifetime offers do come |
| | | | around. But if you have laid down a |
| Below are five questions that everybody | | | | foundation of well-considered choices |
| should ask himself or herself before | | | | and clear-minded focus before this |
| starting out on any new path. The | | | | happens, you will have the presence of |
| answers to these questions should then | | | | mind and strength of purpose to know |
| be used to guide decisions and to direct | | | | when to jump and when to pass, and be |
| actions - when a choice comes up, simply | | | | much more capable of telling the |
| compare the various options with your | | | | difference between a missed opportunity |
| stated desires and choose the option | | | | and a close call. |
| that takes you closer to (or at least | | | | |
| moves you the least farthest away from) | | | | 2. Life is no longer a "one chance per |
| your destination - your stated goals and | | | | person" event. |
| desires. | | | | |
| | | | The times, they are definitely |
| | | | a'changing, and one of the best things |
| | | | to come out of that change is that we |
| 1. What does success mean to me? | | | | now understand that people change as |
| | | | well and that not only is this normal, |
| Be very specific. "I want to be rich," | | | | it is to be expected. The career or life |
| is not an answer - just what does "rich" | | | | that suited you perfectly in your 20's |
| mean, anyway? Are you thinking of a set | | | | will most likely not fit the middle-aged |
| number? And if so, why? Or is the term | | | | you, no more than the same wardrobe or |
| "rich" a substitute for certain freedoms | | | | lifestyle would. Sometimes this is |
| and opportunities that you view as | | | | merely the result of the normal process |
| coming only with money - and by limiting | | | | of personal evolution we all go through |
| them to being accessed only through | | | | as we age and mature, and sometimes it |
| money, are you missing out on other | | | | comes about suddenly in response to |
| alternative pathways? | | | | reality-shifting events and |
| | | | life-changing transitions such as living |
| Some more specific alternatives to "I | | | | through a traumatic event, losing a job |
| want to be rich," depending on the | | | | or getting married. |
| individual, might be: "I want to have | | | | |
| enough net income to meet my current | | | | However change comes, be prepared to go |
| financial responsibilities without | | | | with the flow. Don't worry about "all |
| strain, plus have time and money left | | | | that time I spent in grad school," or |
| over for travel," or "I want to be able | | | | what your friends and family will say. |
| to comfortably afford a jet-setting | | | | In the first instance, there is no such |
| lifestyle in New York City," or "I want | | | | thing as "sunk costs" in life - 90% of |
| to spend 4 days a week at home with my | | | | nearly any education or life experience |
| kids," etc. | | | | is 100% transferable to new situations |
| | | | and new outlets. In sports they call it |
| | | | "cross-training," and an athlete doesn't |
| | | | consider his or her training complete |
| You should try to come up with at least | | | | without in. In the second instance, |
| three answers to the question of what | | | | well, if they love you they will want |
| success really means to you personally, | | | | you to be happy and if they don't love |
| with each one reflecting a different | | | | you, then who cares what they think? |
| facet of what you feel makes up a truly | | | | Besides, they're not the ones who have |
| successful life. And keep the money | | | | to live this life - you are. |
| issue to just one statement - after all, | | | | |
| such things as personal fulfillment, | | | | Also falling under this heading is the |
| spiritual meaning and other essential | | | | admonition not to trade a good life now |
| needs and values cannot be solved, | | | | for some nebulous "better tomorrow," |
| acquired or even influenced by money | | | | such as spending your life zombie-ing |
| | | | through a career you hate for the |
| One of the biggest obstacles to success | | | | promise of a pensioned retirement. All |
| is that most of us have never | | | | too often, these "tomorrows," if they |
| consciously explored what that means to | | | | ever do come, are no better than the |
| us, aside from some vague and nebulous | | | | "nows" you wasted. And as often as not |
| idea of fame, fortune or other worldly | | | | the stress of living an unhappy life |
| success. Knowing what success really | | | | permanently cripples or even kills |
| means to you - what you hope or imagine | | | | people, physically or otherwise, well |
| that these generic definitions of | | | | before they can get to their imagined |
| success would actually provide and how | | | | golden "tomorrow." |
| you want those things to physically look | | | | |
| like in your life - allows you to weigh | | | | 3. Trying to find your "one, true |
| your choices more accurately. | | | | purpose" is a waste of life. |
| | | | |
| 2. What are my non-negotiable needs? | | | | We are all put here on this earth for |
| | | | any number of reasons - some big, some |
| List all the things that you envision as | | | | small and most of which we will never |
| inescapable parameters of a successful | | | | understand or even realize we've |
| and enjoyable life. Family, travel, no | | | | participated in until well after they've |
| debt, pleasant work environment, social | | | | become distant memory. Spending too much |
| status, contributions to society, | | | | time trying to scry your "true purpose" |
| spiritual involvement, public acclaim, | | | | in the tea leaves of life can take your |
| love, excitement, comfort - any or all | | | | attention and energy away from creating |
| of these, and any others you can think | | | | the kind of life that would actually |
| of are legitimate needs that when not | | | | support the accomplishment these |
| met create an environment of stress, | | | | purposes in the first place. |
| want and disempowerment in your life. | | | | |
| Knowing what you are not willing to do | | | | A far better is alternative to create |
| without makes the relative values of | | | | what I call a "Groundhog Day-Proof |
| different options clearer. | | | | Life." Based on the Bill Murray movie in |
| | | | which his character has to live the same |
| 3. What are my non-negotiable | | | | day over and over, this concept involves |
| boundaries? | | | | creating a life that reflects your |
| | | | values, offers you opportunities to |
| List all the things that you absolutely | | | | challenge yourself and is fulfilling |
| do not want present in your life. If the | | | | enough and just plain pleasant enough so |
| idea of working in a standard | | | | that if by some strange cosmic fluke you |
| hierarchical office environment makes | | | | became trapped in any given day of your |
| you ill, put that down. If you can't | | | | life, it would be a good thing rather |
| stand the thought of living in a cold | | | | than a tragedy. Living this sort of life |
| climate, add that to the list. If being | | | | virtually ensures that you will be who |
| poked fun at about your physical | | | | and wherer you need to be to fulfill any |
| condition or other attributes makes life | | | | purpose you may have been sent here to |
| unlivable, note that as well. By knowing | | | | accomplish, while at the same time |
| what you will not tolerate, many choices | | | | providing you with a wonderful and |
| become much easier to make. Plus, it | | | | rewarding "rest of your life" in the |
| allows you to set down rules and | | | | process. |
| policies about who and what you will | | | | |
| invite into your life and the standards | | | | Summary |
| of behavior you will, and will not, | | | | |
| tolerate. | | | | Getting the most out of life isn't about |
| | | | living "right". It's about living well. |
| 4. What are my key values? | | | | Learning to consciously steer your life |
| | | | in the direction you want to take it, |
| Spend some time searching your soul to | | | | making the choice to live by your own |
| come up with a list of your basic | | | | set of values and desires and making |
| values, creating a life around which | | | | sure that you get the most out of the |
| would make you the person you want to be | | | | limited days you are given to work with |
| and allow you to live the life you want | | | | ensures that when the time comes for |
| to live. Are you the type who values | | | | your life to pass before your eyes in |
| honesty, clean/green living and a deep | | | | review, the show will definitely be |
| love of nature above all things? Or are | | | | worth the price of the admission. |
| you more of a 'comforts of home', family | | | | |